I really feel like I’m at a place in my life where I’m just stuck. I’ve met the man and married him I’ve bought the house had the child got the job and have everything I really ever wanted but I feel like something’s missing..
Is it me? Is it my job? Is it my husband? I got all i wanted but the road here seemed to take away so much of the want. The reality of wanting is now really needing. I need to have a house to have a husband to have a job to have a family. But what I need and what I want are now completely different to my white picket fence dream I once had. Now that i have everything I just want my best friend not my husband I want a shack on a beach not a huge house on a huge section I want to work but I want to do it for the love of my job not to put money into the bank account.
My husband was my best friend 110% we laughed, lived and loved together we talked about everything. I feel like now I have a husband a man who I’m with who helps put food on the table and do the jobs we both tiptoe around one another scared to express worries or fears that we both have we subject each other to sadness because of the strains of life we see not a best friend in one another but someone who were dragging through the shitsty with just trying to come out the other end. A house a house that brings with it so much work whereever I look whereever he looks it’s work that takes away from being best friends from being parents. A job that I soley see now as a way to pay the bills to put food on the table that used to be my passion my reason for going every morning. But our child she is the reason I do all of the above. She Is our reason for doing for being for trying for marching through the shitsty together. Is there a way I can ever have my dream of being still, being happy with us. Living in a small place, having enough to not worry, not worry about the house, not worry about the bills, not worry about the next day, coming to a place were we can relax in knowing that everything is ok everything is as it should be….
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